(Warning: Journal Entry post - simply for my purposes and will be boring to others.)
Several months ago, I was feeling weary in my duties of motherhood. I let myself become discouraged and frustrated that, no matter how many load of laundry I washed, dried and put away, the laundry hampers were still heaping. No matter how many hours I put into planning and preparing meals, there were always 3 more meals to prepare the next day. No matter how often I wiped fingerprints off the windows, they were always smudged within minutes. I grew tired and felt my responsibilities were mundane and insignificant. I even found myself resenting my children for their lack of gratitude, their seeming ignorance of all I do for them, and the messes they continue to make.
I finally awoke to the fact that such thoughts were destructive. I realized that this mentality was not productive, and was only hurting me and my family. So I decided to adjust my attitude. But I could not. At least, not at first. Every day, I found myself tired, angry and resentful. And, most of all, frustrated that I could not 'break out' of that pattern of thinking. At long last, I finally realized that I couldn't do it on my own, and made it a matter of more sincere, purposeful prayer. Slowly, little by little, I found myself changed. It was so slow it was almost imperceptible; in fact, I really hadn't realized how much I had changed until today.
Today, as I was walking through the aisles at the grocery store with Wiggles, I found myself truly enjoying the experience of grocery shopping. (Something that, months ago, caused me so much stress.) I had SO much joy in hearing Wiggles chattering and singing to herself as I read labels and searched for items. My heart was overflowing with gratitude for my husband who works so hard to provide such delicious and healthy food for our family (among other things.) I was thinking of my beautiful children as I purchased food for them; thinking of making Angel's favorite soup as I collected the items, or imagining Grins scarfing down his favorite salad. I was feeling so blessed and honored to have the daily privilege of cooking for such wonderful people whom I love and adore.
Later, as I returned home and focused on other household tasks, I continued to find pleasure in my duties. I smiled as Wiggles helped me fold the towels (she does such a great job, and takes so much pride in her work!), and I laughed as I discovered 'secret' objects in pant pockets (it's amazing how many items Angel can stuff into her pockets!!!) I even enjoyed cleaning, as I picked up books we had read the day before, and put away supplies from our recent craft project.
I no longer view my 'mundane' tasks as burdens - I now, truly, see them as delights. I no longer yearn for an immaculate, spotless, picture-perfect home, because I realize that MY home is perfect because of the adorable people who dwell within it - fingerprints and all! I no longer avoid doing certain projects with the children (baking, making volcanoes, playing with playdoh, etc) out of fear of the mess they'll make - I EMBRACE the opportunity to DO something fun with my children!! It is difficult to describe, but I am truly so grateful, and feel so blessed, to be able to serve my family in so many ways, each and every day.
As if this change of heart were not enough, I have seen it 'trickle down' to my children!! I've found that, as I am more joyful in my service, and more positive in my thoughts, I am naturally just happier. I am more appreciative and complimentary of my children. And they, in turn, are much happier and more pleasant to be around (and usually much better helpers!) It is totally a Win-Win!!
Tonight, in Grins' prayers, he said "Thank you for giving me such kind and caring parents...." This touched my heart so deeply - not because I felt proud or that I have been particularly kind and caring, but simply because I realized that, as I have made more of an effort, the Lord has increased the love and kindness in our home, more than I could have dreamed.
I am SO grateful for a God of miracles - a God who can change my heart when I simply can't do it on my own. I am exceedingly grateful for the opportunity I have to be a wife and mother, and to be able to spend this precious time with my delightful children and husband. They mean EVERYTHING to me. I am truly SO blessed.
